This was the first video that I’d seen of Chris Voss, and it was thanks to Robert Wenzel.
Thaks to Robert Wenzel.
I don’t know if it needs to be stated, but almost all communication is negotiation, whether you’re negotiating for agreement, for acceptance, for partnership, for more money, for more likes, whatever it is you’re generally in negotiation mode. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a master negotiator or that you have to know all of Chris’s techniques, but awareness of them couldn’t hurt in your efforts to reach a mutual agreement in the service of any of your goals. So once we’ve agreed that most communication involves negotiation, then all we have to do is target specific categories or tasks of negotiations.
Chris Voss’s Facebook page.
EFFECTIVE EMAILS
1. How to Win With Email: 4 Rules for Success, Chris Voss.
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BE A MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR
1. Three Guaranteed Ways to Increase Communication Success.
2. 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms, Chris Voss.
3. 4 Steps to Establish Control, Chris Voss, 2019.
4. “The Most Important Negotiation Phrase to Master,” Chris Voss, 2019.
5. “4 Difficult Types of People and How to Win Them Over,” Chris Voss, 2017. Here is one thing to say to win over always suspicious people
“You seem to be having a problem trusting me and my company. What can I do to allay some of your concerns?”
6. HOW TO DELIVER BAD NEWS:
You know this intuitively, but it’s nice to have our biases confirmed.
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NEGOTIATION STRATEGIES
1. Disarming an Attack During Negotiations.
2. Apply Emotional Intelligence During Negotiations. “5 Elements of Emotional Intelligence to Use During Negotiation,” Brandon Voss, November 5, 2018
3. “Compromise Is the Enemy of Agreement.”
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NEGOTIATING CONTRACTS
1. Negotiating Contracts, Chris Voss.
2. Negotiating Credit Card Companies, Saturday, October 5, 2019.
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NEGOTIATING SALARIES
1. Negotiate a Higher Salary.
2. I’m Sure You Have a Range in Mind . . . .
3. Negotiate your way to lower bills with Chris Voss.
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VIDEOS
TALKE ANYONE INTO ANYTHING
For more on Chris Voss, go to this site and type in his name, Chris Voss.
5 METHODS OF PERSUASION TO HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT
Find them here.
MAKE AN OFFER THEY CAN’T REFUSE
Listen to both of these carefully. And if you want to know how to negotiate during a salary negotiation, give these a listen.
Show Title: The Illusion of Control: To Gain Control in a Negotiation, First You Must Relinquish It
Listen to both of the following carefully if you want to know how to negotiate during a salary negotiation.
FRIDAY, MAY 3, 2019
“How to Overcome the Objection Everytime,” Chris Voss, November13, 2017
1. Every stated objection is a counter-offer in disguise, an implied agreement, and a cry for help. The stated objection isn’t the real problem. It’s blocking for an emotional one.
What’s the real problem? Dignity. So once we navigated these dignity issues with Dwight, his surrender was accomplished.
2. The stated objection isn’t the real problem. It’s blocking for an emotional one.
In “Way of the Wolf” Jordan Belfort (The Wolf of Wall Street) says, “…objections are merely smokescreens for uncertainty…” On this, I’m willing to agree with Mr. Belfort.
What’s another word for uncertainty? Fear.
Solution?
Our student labeled trust as the potential client’s main priority and demonstrated his understanding of its importance. This positioned him to offer a free no-obligation analysis as a way to work towards building the trust of the potential client.
SUMMARY
- Objections are counter-offers in disguise.
- The stated objection is blocking for the real objection–which is emotional.
“5 Elements of Emotional Intelligence to Use During Negotiation,” Brandon Voss, November 5, 2018
Self-Awareness
Studies have shown that sadness makes us more impatient and anger increases our desire for reward. That’s not to suggest that emotions are bad or should be ignored. On the contrary, emotions are like superpowers—they can be an invaluable source of insight and power if we learn how to use them in productive ways.
Self-Regulation
Internal Motivation
Empathy
Social Skills
TECHNIQUES
1. Mirroring. “Allows your opponent to present you with your deal, only they thought it was their idea. A simple repetition of the last one-to-three words of what somebody said. People love to be mirrored. They love to be encouraged to go on. People say these skills are about manipulation. They are not. They are about great collaboration.” Chris Voss
Tuesday, January 14, 2020. “Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better. But how do you make that happen? Part of emotional intelligence is what’s appropriate to the moment.” “To be in a positive frame of mind makes you up to 31% smarter.”
Perfect skill to deal with open-ended, undefined agendas. You get in your low stakes practice in for your high stakes performance, you make people feel good, and then they dump all sorts of important information on you quickly. Every time you execute this and they show their hidden cards you are going to say to yourself “Boom! Drop the mike!” Here’s how it goes:
CALLER: “Have you got a few minutes to talk?”
YOU: “A few minutes to talk?”
Write this on a 3×5 card, or a slip of paper and keep it next to your phone. We double-dog dare you!
2. Using Personality Types to Improve Your Sales Skills.
3. ASKING “WHY?” MAKES PEOPLE DEFENSIVE. HOW CAN YOU USE THAT TO BUILD COLLABORATION AND PERSUADE? [Interesting to hear him reference Karrass Seminars at the beginning of this segment.]
TONE IS CRUCIAL: USE CURIOSITY. Why us? Why listen to a hostage negotiator? I’ll get you to make my value proposition for me. You’re working people’s expectations, “Your skills have to work.” Here’s what happens to people who haven’t made up their minds yet. They tell you which part of your value proposition appeals to them. They guide you to what they want. Use their proposition to continually frame your value proposition. Everyone one of us has 10 to 20 reasons why people should do business with us. And if you start out on stuff that doesn’t matter to me, how long before you start tuning out? If someone interrupts you, the interruption is the main thing they care about.
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Now, the barrier to learn and the barrier to change is awkwardness. –Chris Voss
REAL ESTATE NEGOTIATIONS
Not once does the hostage negotiator try to get the other person to say ‘yes.’ Not once. Yes is the last thing you want to hear.
This was a good reminder.
You can get exactly what you want by getting someone to say ‘no.’
Ask questions so that the listener can only answer no but actually forms cooperation and participation with what you want.
Is it a ridiculous idea for you to come and speak to the class I teach at Marshall School of Business.
Chris said that this book is the greatest networking book ever written. I’ll have to check this out. Bought it!
At the 35:30 mark in the above video, Chris explains what a Republican cold-caller did to increase his average. I liked what he said about the change in going from the Mendoza Line to a million-dollar, All-Star contract.
Call them on the phone and get your 3 yeses.
Get 3 yeses in a row, you’ve built yes momentum, you’ve built mirror agreement, you tie them down, then you ask them the killer question which is “the trap,” which they know is coming, and you ask for money.
He takes the 3 yes questions and he makes them the 3 no questions.
- Instead of would you like to see Republicans back in the White House in November, he changes it to “Have you given up on seeing the Republicans take the White House in November?”
The No script gets a 23% higher rate of return.
The Mendoza Line, 200% batting average. .215%. All-star games, your average is .300%. The difference between the Mendoza Line and million-dollar All-Star contracts is 9 hits per month.
Oh, my.
Weapons-grade empathy. [posted on Tuesday, October 22, 2019] There is only one way to tell the truth. Even terrorists operate on the same empathy, describe, demonstrating, and understanding without necessarily agreeing. It’s not about liking or sympathy in any way.
Emotions are intertwined in all of our decisions. Decision-making is emotional. Descartes. Tech guy uses tactical empathy. I just want to make her feel heard. It went on for an hour. The next day, she sends him an email that reads “Yesterday, I attacked you, and you showed me nothing but love. Thank you for being my big brother.” Powerful.
Haitian kidnappers are not killing kidnap victims these days. I realize that’s really stupid because they kill each other at the drop of a hat, but they’re not killing kidnap victims. And today is Thursday, and Haitian kidnappers love to party on Saturday night. If you say the things I want you to say when I want you to say them, we’re going to have your son out late Friday or early Saturday morning. \
Tell me what you want me to do.
And we had his son out Saturday morning.
During the course of the kidnapping, the father never asked him how many kidnappings he’s worked. He never asked me how long I’d been an FBI agent. He never asked me how long I’d been a hostage negotiator. He never asked me if I spoke French or Creole, the languages spoken in Haiti. “Here’s what you’re looking at.”
“You’re addicted to the sound of ‘Yes.'” There’s a study that says you should do it. Getting to Yes. It’s called the “yes” sell, the “yes momentum.”
Anyone of your yes questions can be switched to . . .
Are you against . . . ?
Do you disagree . . . ?
Have you given up on . . . ?
Is it a ridiculous idea to . . . ?
Is it a bad idea to . . . ?
Drop these in anyone of your yes questions, and you’ll be shocked at how far you’ll get.
A “Yes” is nothing without “How?” anyway. There are 3 kinds of “Yeses.” Commitment yes, Confirmation Yes, and Counterfeit Yes. We’re given the counterfeit yes because some sales folks are really good at developing the yes momentum that moves people coercively with a serious of yeses that people are trained to say, “Yes.” Practice asking “No” questions.
Regardless of the outcome, your opponent should feel so respected and so heard that they can get nothing, and say “We’re okay. I’d deal with you again.”
“3 Options: Fight, flight, or make friends.” That video came from Bob Wenzel’s EPJ. The guy’s name is Chris Voss. Find him on Facebook, and find his book(s) here. His book, co-written with Tahl Raz, is Never Split the Difference, . Next to a “No,” the very next important thing to get from someone is a “that’s right!” Not a “you’re right!” but a “that’s right!”
YES or NO? Don’t trap people with “Yes.” What do you mean? Open-ended questions.
- Would you like to have more money?
- Would you like to have more free time?
- would you like to live in this vast mansion in the Hollywood Hills?
It’s a trap of breadcrumbs. People can get in the habit of asking questions like this because they feed off of yeses. Logic traps that were littered with yes. Always talk someone into something phony. Yes means a commitment. Don’t trick people. Or they won’t talk to you.
Religion has been used to talk people into certain things. Talked people into working their entire lives away . . . . Know what someone’s religion is.
You’re coming from a moral place and coming from right and wrong. Moral principles. Sociopaths use emotional intelligence to talk people into certain things. Do we know this innately? Online marketers, miracle abs.
He uses human nature-based principles that have shown to work in every culture on the planet.
“Sounds like your family is really close.” Felt really good to him. Guy battling his paranoia. “You sound really determined.”
“You I really am determined. Thanks for everything you did for me,” and he then hung up. What you say about what you do, it makes all the sense in the world. When it happens, it makes sense. You know about it, but negotiators condense things into powerful tidbits that no one ever sees.
How much control does the average person over their day-to-day stuff? And how much are they doing because they’ve chosen to do it, and how much are they doing because they’re told to do it? A good negotiating approach is one that helps someone’s brain function more effectively. We have 1000% control over everything we do every day. We delegate some of these because we feel that delegation will help us live a more efficient life. Well, isn’t time management hacking into that emotional and intelligent control? We’re in control, but how much of that control do we leverage day-t0-day? Hacks, processes, emotional intelligence, what is it? We make all of our decisions based on what we care about. If it is emotions, then we care only about our feelings, emotions, and passions. Rational brain is end spot of emotional processes, and it’s there that we rationalize things. Process thing with less effort. Making a decision that sticks. Yes is nothing without “How?” A yes that no one sticks to does no good. Knowledge isn’t power, applied knowledge is power. When you can wrap your mind around what you can get people to do is incredibly powerful. Tactical empathy. Daniel Goleman (and Emotional Intelligence) calls it cognitive empathy. It’s what sociopaths do best. Use powers for good and not evil. What drives people in fear of loss. Know what their religion is. What is larger than themselves. Connect a decision to what they believe in is larger than themselves. Get down to someone’s belief system and to put down what you want them to do in alignment with their belief systems. When you talk someone into something, you get a series of yeses, called mirror agreement. Get yeses but it is nonsense. Problem with that is it does not align up with someone’s beliefs are. You want to encourage them to talk, be understanding, and accept that understanding is not agreement. You can come to an understanding with anyone. The more you talk with someone, the more they’ll use adjectives to talk about something. Born-again Christian terminology and Voss used similar language, like “stewardship,” which is a term that resonated with him. He understood how much I knew it mattered to him. He needed to know how much I knew it resonated with him to do business with.
What we’re aiming for, the solid gold phrase is “That’s right!” You’ve summarized the situation they didn’t realize was true until you told it to them. Steep but not high. Practice with your emotional intelligence. He changed his son’s behavior with regard to football. Son had to start dodging people and hit only the ball carrier. Getting out of the way was perceived as cowardly to his son. Worse thing to say is “You’re right.” It shuts them up and sends them away. Inductive reasoning–what is my gut telling me? Cold reads masquerade as psychics. Inside of 5 minutes you’re convinced they’ve read your mind, told you so much about you, and tell you about the future. Ask your questions and don’t act surprised, they can make you believe they can read/see the future. Educated guesses on emotional intelligence. Take guesses and start refining your guesses. Lines you up quickly where the other person is coming from. Be on LinkedIn, see what sports they’re into. CEO of a fast-moving, aggressive company. What is the next step from there, like cowardice, aggressive strategy to drop into a situation? Then drop in cold reads. Preparation for negotiation: collect a little data too. Do a label: it seems like, it sounds like, it looks like. STart to trigger the data stream of information very quickly. Everyone cares about something. They have to trust you enough to share it with you. “It sounds like you guys really pride taking an aggressive stance in the marketplace.” Labels. Mislabel as an intentional technique. Your reaction from the other side says “no, no, this is what it is!” And they’ll spill all kinds of extra knowledge on it. Sharing all sorts of things they care about. “Vomiting information.” Start sharing stuff they care about to see how we line up. Last thing you want from them is to tell their colleagues is “I made a lot of money with Chris Voss.” Prosper collaboratively with my company.
Make a deal where the other side makes money on. So I want this sort of influence with them. Last thing I want is for them to tell their colleagues, “Wow! I made so much money It was such a great deal when I worked with Chris Voss.” One of two things; “We made a lot of money with those guys” or
“We didn’t make a deal with them, but I’d deal with them again.” Prosper collaboratively with his company.
They say, “Oh, my God, let me tell you about this negotiation. I had them over a barrel. I had this kind of leverage and I made them do what I wanted them to do.” That’s not long term success. “That was a good deal.” I don’t want anybody bragging about slaughtering the other side. When you kill your customers and negotiating customers, pretty soon you don’t have any left. All this information with the person now, now you have massive rapport now. Seed of trust now. What is the next step? Your product is suited to them. How do you go from good rapport and good trust, how do you align their product with their beliefs?
Best way is through a process called “guided discovery process.” You want the lightbulb to go off in their head. Tell them 19 times. Get them to figure it out and then it sticks. Ask the right what and how questions. Interrogative questions or reporter questions. Either what and how? “How does this line up with your companies objectives?” “How does this work for you?” What’s the biggest challenge you face?” What’s the mission or what’s the purpose of what you’re trying to buy here?” What and how questions. Ultimately, they’re making the deal for you. It gets back to implementation. If it’s my idea, it might happen. If it’s their idea, it probably will happen. Or they’re going to knock themselves out trying to get it. Process called “Delay” in order to save time. Conversations are longer, but total time will be a lot less because you’re off the gerbil wheel of having the same conversation over and over again that gets you nowhere.
3 Kinds of Yeses: Commitment, Confirmation, and Counterfeit. Do you listen to podcasts? Confirmation, yes. Confirmations are going somewhere to something you’re going somewhere you don’t want. What is this “yes” letting me in for? Yes-oriented, closed-ended questions, “Do you listen to podcasts?” and flip them into some sort of information where the answer is no. when someone says “No,” they’ve protected themselves, they’re more open to listening right after they’ve said no. “Do you find podcasts to be a waste of time?” Answer “Well, no.” Get a “No” out of it, and it is going to center them more. And they’re going to feel more in control. Every time I get worried about what I’m letting myself in for with a “yes,” then actually you lose my focus. And when you’re trying to make a case, the last thing you want to do is lose my focus. But every single time you try to get me to say “Yes,” I get defensive, I worry about where it’s going, I start asking myself questions, I start thinking if I can outsmart you. All these thought processes are now distractions where I am not paying attention to you.
Stringing together the no’s as usefulness as an answer. Student of his did fundraising on the phone: 3 yeses in a row, and then you ask for the money.” Nonsense. Took all 3 of the yes questions and flipped them into “No’s.” The No script and yes script were run side by side. The No script got a 23% increase in donations. A No can be a great answer and not just an obstacle to be overcome. It’s a great means to greater alignment. Triggers the sense of loss. Decisions are based on our fear of loss. Trigger a fear of loss, you’ve snapped someone to attention right away. Why? Fear of loss, pain, what you’re protecting yourself from. Yes. Who is the world’s greatest negotiator? Interesting question. Context is important. A great negotiator is going to make a good deal with you. Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better. Great negotiator helps you find something better. As a hostage negotiator, that is
Trump is the poster child for power negotiator. Trump, playing hardball, is going to whoop him in a negotiation everytime, so Voss better be sure of what he wants is what he wants. You don’t hear people in New York who’ve done business with him for a long time coming out and badmouthing him. On the surface, it doesn’t look like his long-term partnerships are great.
What motivates you personally to close deals. I want to be better off. Creative and innovative deals. Given each other something that we can give away easily. A high-valued trade. Makes me much better off. I want to be wealthy. Great future for me, family, and friends. And I don’t want people hating me over how I got it. I want you to
I want you to really like doing business with me. I like to say I have a mercenary and missionary purpose in business. I want you to like doing business with because it brings me more money. If you like doing business with me, I make more money. If you like doing business with me because you like me, it also makes me happier; ultimately, we’re both happier as individuals. And there’s data that shows the happier you are, the likelier you are to be successful. If you want your success to bring you happiness, it’s going to be a struggle. If we’re happy our brains work up to 31% more effectively, we make decisions better, and we make better decisions, more effectively. In a positive frame of mind, we’re actually smarter, we can make decisions faster, more good decisions faster by being happy. So, me being happy, makes me feel good and helps me prosper.
If he could go back in time, he would push people more nicely. Focus on being more likable. His career, by and large, was focused on being respected. Can’t control whether you are liked, but you can control whether you’re likable. He wanted to be liked and respected. Says he wouldn’t back off on anything, but that he would have been nicer about it.
Success doesn’t always bring happiness, but happiness absolutely brings about more success, in part, because of our brains when they are happy
Immediate reaction. It was visceral. Connect it to the environment. They’re in a very positive frame of mind.
3) What I Learned About Business from Hostage Negotiating, Chris Voss, Sept. 16, 2016.
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San Gabriel Tutor 